I often drift to the times of the past, usually when I'm about to take a new step in another direction. I noticed this now, the period of progression begins with a return to once was. I don't know if any other people do this or not, but I find that old music, old books, take on new meaning during this time. Luckily, one must then get ready for little time and memories once felt must be put away for the time being. The return to the void when attempting to find the infinite and the also the supreme ultimate which is contained, requires one to forget, just for a time. But one must remember to return or all that was gained must be forgotten, which presents a different, and more difficult, method of retrieval. All this in preparation for the busy time period that is the rest of my life!

I try to vary the things that I read. No, it doesn't mean I read the latest best seller, but with my focus so much on non-fiction, I try to remind myself that reading good fiction can be fun. However, this hasn't really been my pattern for a while now. 

Recently, I've read Naomi Klein's books, No Logo and The Shock Doctrine. Both are quite good, though, there are some aspects of No Logo that are somewhat dated. The fact that Borders went out of business does indicate that major corporations and their constant creation of brands do have limits. Now, their downfall can be argued to either bad business practice or customer dissatisfaction, or both, but that requires a more in-depth examination of the economy. Both books are very good and I would recommend that anyone read them, but there are some things that she writes that just don't make sense. I don't see a mass resistance, let alone an organized one, rising up to challenge corporate power. I don't think Obama is that much different than the Presidents before him. In a two party system, such as practiced in the US, it seems that both parties take turns feeding at the troughs, paid for by the American public. However, I don't always agree with everything that writers such as her put into words. I do agree with many other things in the book and though it may seem that she is preaching to the converted, both books should be read and discussed with as many people as possible. Just remember to remain critical in reaching your own analysis.

The 4th

Another month has passed. Funny things have happened. I'm officially middle aged, though I still think/feel younger. I keep repeating this, but I know in reality that this is not true. For example, I don't go out and drink with friends anymore. I just don't have the time like I used to. Not only do you need the time to go and drink, but you need the next day to recover. Time is a luxury that I don't have. My son just won't allow it. He is up at 7 no matter what. Also, it takes me longer to recover when tired. So, in reality, I know I'm not 25 or 30 anymore, though I'm told I act like I'm 9!

I have been reading some Kleinian and interpersonal psychoanalysis lately. Its interesting reading psychoanalysts who identify themselves with Klein, at least at some point in their career. The book consisted of different articles that focused on different aspects of Kleinian theory and technique. Papers on projective identification and character organization allow the reader insights into how some psychoanalysts have advanced Klein's theories. I must admit, toward the end of the book, much of the material seems to repeat, with a continued focus on schizoid defenses, the depressive position, etc. Although I find all of the articles worth reading, one aspect I have attempted to incorporate into my own reading style relates to the the identification of what I consider innovative work and strict adherence to ideological positions. There are some papers I interpret as public declaration of allegiance to one group. This is a new aspect I have tried to use when reading psychoanalysis, one that is very helpful with my own learning process. This also places a great focus on reading history to understand why some papers were even published.

I have attempted to branch out and read more interpersonal psychoanalytic writing. Although I have read some authors, my understanding of the relational and interpersonal perspectives remains limited. The book I chose to read Arthur H. Feiner, a psychoanalyst that I have never read before. The book was difficult to understand, partially because of my limited knowledge of the interpersonal paradigm. Jargon free, his writing seems to flow like water, jumping from one subject to another, with little warning. So although the language used allows for a larger audience, I found myself asking what the connection between two subjects were during my reading. The chapter regarding supervision with Erich Fromm started with such promise, but I soon lost interest when the subject changed to the nature of the mistakes the author felt he made regarding a patient of his to what seemed like a stream of conscious though put onto paper. Just like in conversations, when attempting to communicate ideas, concepts, and thoughts, academic writing needs focus. I will have to try again at his writing, but at a later time.

With that, I will try to read another topic, maybe a Naomi Klein book. Its good to mix up reading material. I also have to learn to steal time to read. This makes any type of late night drinking impossible. Until next time.

Forms and More Forms

Here you go, fill out this form. Its been a week of forms. The process of renewing something or applying for something else seems to happen more often when you get older. Maybe its because you notice these things. Or maybe they seem to happen more often. Anyway, its rather frustrating, because I can't think of anyone who likes to fill out forms. What can you do right? Just fill them out as much as you can before proceed.

Some of these form that I've been filling out relates directly to graduate school. The whole process is about forms! But, the good thing about this relates directly to schooling. One step closer to the thing I wish to study, but most come at a later time.

I wish there was more time in the day. I have things that I want to read. I guess I have to figure out how to steal time.

News

I'm almost 40. Another year older. Oh, don't get me wrong, its been very good, I have nothing to complain about. I also have no desire to complain, because I like where I am and where I'm going. My son is old enough to keep me fit, my wife is great, I got into graduate school, and I have a better understanding of many things that eluded me in the past. So, for these reasons, my life is very good. How I turned into a middle aged man though is beyond me. Somehow, I always thought I would be young! Maybe we all go through this.

What to do, what to do. I guess just keep doing everything that I have been and see where it takes me.

Old Times Long Remembered

Its been quite sometime since I had been to southern Thailand. To be honest, its been 25 years since I've been there. I was just a small kid when I lived there. However, big enough to remember things and people. Ironically, I find myself living in Southeast Asia once again. So it wasn't a complete surprise when I got connected once again.

"Hey guy. Is this you in this picture?" I wasn't really sure what to think. Maybe spam, maybe just the wrong picture. However, the name was Thai and then I got curious. The link was dead. Nothing. Oh well, it must have been spam. I just forgot about the whole thing and forgot to delete it. I found it a few days later, the email and clicked on the link again. This time, the picture did come up and it was me in the picture! There I was, with a large number of other kids from my class in Hat Yai. I've never seen the picture before, none of us are in uniform and I don't know where we are exactly. What resulted was a large amount of emails between myself and people I had not seen or heard from in a very long time. There was the red tinge to the picture that I always associated with my parents pictures. Ironic, how we turn into our parents.

Since I'm not far, there is a chance that I will go see them. Hopefully it stops raining and its safe enough to go back. I think it should be, but southern Thailand isn't always the best place to visit since the violence sprang up again. Lets hope it works out. It would be fun to catch up with those in the picture and visit a place I used to live so many years ago.

Series of Events

I have been taking a break from writing on this. I wanted to catch up on my personal reading, attempt to write something about what I have been reading. So far, its been pretty good and I felt that it was time to write about the things that hold my interest.

Lets start with a book called The Primitive Edge of Experience, by Thomas H Ogden. Dr Ogden's perspective on psychoanalysis and his ability to write beautifully and captivate the reader's imagination  means that his books and papers represent quite a bit of theory and clinical experience. The book is not for the faint of heart and one should not expect a textbook introduction to psychoanalytic concepts. I do not know if Dr Ogden designs his writing this way, but one also needs to spend a fair amount of time attempting to find the meaning. The book is designed for you to think about the potential and possibilities he encounters. For me, this makes the material that much more personal and powerful. I have read one critic of this book, which stated that attempting to follow the thought process of the author was difficult. Part of this reason relates to how the book's chapters read more like individual papers, originally published separately. I did not find this arrangement interfered with my ability to understand. A very good book, with plenty of information that will need time to integrate. More than one read at any given time will also help with a better understanding.

I also read Erich Fromm's Escape from Freedom. Also an excellent book. Although Fromm discusses Freud in his book, the psychological and economic forces that define freedom represents the basis of this book. The concept of both positive and negative freedom and the tendency for the abuse of power that leads to totalitarian governments represents a certain amount of truth, even all these years later. I find Fromm very interesting, since it seems that most of his adult life he attempts to merge the writings of Marx and Freud. His writings are powerful and I find that this book's topic and overall presentation much better than other books of this topic. Considering its publication occurred in the 1940s, much of the subject matter also can be applied today. Technology may have changed, but the basis of human behavior has not. For this reason, I would highly recommend this book.

More to come later. I read some other books, but that will be until later.

New Bag

Yes, the bag comes in its own bag! I thought this was a nice touch, since I have never seen this type of "bag" when living in the Bay Area. All the same, I'm pretty happy with the new bag. Something I picked up in Singapore. The last one I had lasted 10 years, before I had to retire the thing, as it was falling apart!

Anyway, hope everyone had a happy new year! Back the the regular grind right?

Manchester United v Arsenal Promo (13 12 2010)

Sign of the Times

I went to a wedding dinner last night. This may not seem like an odd thing. A young, hip, couple, who both work in the entertainment industry here in Malaysia. She is very nice and though I have never really spent time with him, I'm sure he is nice as well.

Since the dinner was filled with entertainment people, I thought it interesting to see what type of phones people were using and what type of watches people were wearing. Don't ask me how I developed this habit, I just think its interesting that people want the latest electronic gadget and a watch that is a classic look. Just as I thought, most people were either using an iphone or a blackberry phone. Again though, a sign of the times. Phones are no longer phones. When I first moved here, people used nokia. Now, its something else. The watch I saw the most, were a combination of Rolex and Tag. I guess a watch will always be something that is jewelry and not necessarily used for time keeping. For me, I like using the watch as a time keeping piece. Go figure huh? Maybe I'm just getting closer to middle age and like the things that I like and dislike the rest!

 I can't seem to sleep tonight. I'm going to pay for it later in the day though, that much is for sure. I'll try again to knock out a bit later.

Return to the Void

A few things on my mind. Arsenal lost to Sp*rs yesterday. The first loss at home in 17 years. The team looked like it would stroll to a 3 or 4 nil win, but instead, came out from the break and looked flat. Arsenal lost 2-3 and that was that. Put to the sword by Sp*rs. I won't go into details about how bad we looked, the mistakes that were made or even the fact that its a derby game. Other sites can tell you that. No. I'm just telling you that it makes you very upset to see your team just come out the blocks thinking the game was over. Spineless. That's the only word I can think of that doesn't resemble cursing. I don't know what to tell you after that, other than there are some serious problems that need to be addressed.

In rather stupid news, Nokia refuses to use Android, which I think is a mistake. In more stupid news, the dollar gained some value it had lost on the world market. See, I told you it was stupid news.

Part of me wonders why I write this thing. Is it for me or is it for you? I don't understand why I do it. One wonders if my life is interesting enough that people want to read about it. In the end, its just me writing about my perspective about things. Today, well, its about a shit football team, but still, its my team. I guess until next time.

Change of Pace

Lately, I've been reading a lot of fairly intense philosophy. It got to the point where my mood was a bit sour, so I decided to take a break. Sometimes its good to change things up a bit, read things that are fun. They don't have to be stupid, but they can be fun. The Outlaws of the Marsh is providing that for me. Fantastic book, one that has survived through the ages.

I just recently read an article about how architecture can influence psychological functioning. The more natural the shapes, the better people's moods are and stress levels are reduced. I thought it was interesting, because I've never really thought about it before. Ironically, we had to go to immigration the other day to deal with some things. The  building was old, not taken care of, and ugly. Add to the fact that it was crowded, hot, and dirty, well, the experience wasn't the best one. To top it off, the workers there were rude, looked tired, and unhappy. It was just what I was reading! The workers mood does influence the people who go there, like myself, moods as well. Makes me think that working for government agencies is not my first choice of a potential career path! Talk about an endless, mindless, job that may drive people to drink if they were allowed to.

I think I may have to pay more attention to how buildings influence my mood. I guess they are more than just empty structures waiting to be filled. They actually contribute to the way in which people form object relations.

The International Break and Other Things

I guess there was a time when international football meant something. Now, it seems to be filled with stupid friendlies and substandard play. Who would have thought that England v France would be boring. Lets face it, the real football takes place at club level.

An old friend of mine told me that he and his wife are having a son. Pretty cool if you ask me. I guess that means we will never live in Oakland again! Good for them.

I've been reading so much psychoanalysis that I decided that I needed to read something else. The Water Margin: The Outlaws of the Marsh is one book I haven't read. I've read Three Kingdoms, but not this one. The intro was fantastic, and so far, the book hasn't disappointed me. Its good to mix up what you read. It helps develop listening skills. Exposure to different types of language allows for the better process of meaning. Plus, its a damn good story.

Other than that, I spend a good deal of time chasing my son. He is running around, getting his hands into everything. One form of exercise I told my friend about. More to come later.

The Giants Win the Series!

Although I support the Arsenal and live in Southeast Asia, there are some American things that you just can't remove from me. October baseball is one of them. Baseball, something uniquely American and San Francisco has just witnessed the Giants winning the first title since moving to the West Coast. My parents, my mother's family, and all of the Giants fans who have supported the Giants through the decades must be thrilled. For me, it was great to watch, although the time difference makes it a live event in the morning. Its also 80 F, which gives it a very un-fall feeling. It doesn't matter. The Giants win! For today, I'll be thinking of my family and friends who are in a state of shock about it, back in the city by the bay.